Sunday, January 5, 2014

How to lose fear and gather courage

Primarily, these are the things that people do on a new year's eve:

  • Go out and celebrate
  • Consume as much alcohol as they can
  • Make a new year's resolution (or a few)
Well, the first two I did do but refrained from the last one. It does not mean that there is not a single aspect  of my life that I wish to see myself improve upon. In fact, there are so many, countless. For instance, making reading a habit rather than just a method to pass time during travel. Self motivating myself to workout regularly and without gaps. Waking up a 'little' early on weekend to indulge in physical activities. Somewhere in the list would also be my not writing enough here, a space which I created to pour my heart out, to be my virtual self or in fact, to be my brain child. But, intentionally or otherwise, I have left it to rot, more like treating it as a half-blood rather than my own. These are just to name a few!

My objective in not doing so is to rid myself of failure. Now you would ask me why should I think of failure before even committing myself to something.You would also instruct me to give it a go, try my best and look if things workout. Then if they don't, you'd say you at least tried and won't repent that you didn't. This is where we have our differences. For me (and I'd assume, for you too), failure is a definitive state, it's the core, it's the center of the Earth. You either failed or did not. There's no questioning it's finality. But how you fail is a different ball game all together. I fear failure, so I avoid resolutions. What a cowardly statement, you'd think, but let me explain.

I am imperfect and fear failure. Perhaps, I'm too afraid. With this fact, I've come to terms with lately and made up my mind that henceforth, I'll seldom plan too far forward or too far fetched. This in no sense of the word imply that I will not 'Plan'. I always do. But 9 out of 10 times, they never transpire as foreseen and I end up lamenting why I wasted my time on them. So, I've decided to take things one day at a time or more so, one moment at a time. Never think or look too far forward. It'll scare your efforts off and you'll end up thinking about it rather than doing something about it, instead.

Small things make a big difference. For instance, when I'm carefree (not careless), productivity in my efforts rises many folds. When in doubt, I end up thinking and fearing about the consequences if things don't go the way they should. One has to get rid of this very fear that keeps them from breaking out. Easier said then done, eh? Well, chuck it! That's exactly what i'm talking about. Relieve yourself of this habit of questioning, leave it for the others. When they question you, sieve out the feedback and throw the rest away. Move forward since you have no choice but to keep going. The only thing that's permanent is change. You can't just stay where you are. You either go north or south, there is no middle ground!

Now, how does one gather courage to do all these positives? How does one motivate oneself? Well, the secret is no secret. Courage. You already have it. You need to start feeling it, living off it and exuding it. How? Think of where you come from, how far you've come, all the good things you've done and accomplished. When you've made people happy. Think about your qualities that people look up to.There are numerous such things. Give it a go! It's a very manual process to start off but then you start feeling it everyday. You wake up with it, go through the day with it, learn with it, teach with it, feel it while you're wrapping things up, rejoice it when you go to bed.

Live by the moment. Everything else will take care of itself.




Now, don't make it a resolution to follow what I just said throughout the year. Sums it up perfectly, doesn't it? :D

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Days of erratic thoughts and petty actions

Well, its been long since i thought about writing a thing or two, which might easily be the reason for me having a convoluted mind.I despise nothing more then being on the road without knowing where and what it leads to .It kills you like sweet poison .You won't realize it and you're gone just like that !

Since my return form the 'foren' land ,I've been wondering what's wrong with this part of the world .Why can't people here be like the one's i so admired there .What does it take of a man to be an altruist ?Why can't he be satisfied with the things he has (I totally understand the need of the destitute but its so painful to see 'my' people act to deceive ,specially the one's who are so well off)or at least be a little sympathetic.

Heartbreaking instances awaits you all the time. Even the one's so determined as to smile back are given a disgusting gibe.
It's been specially difficult to self evaluate and put things in place and analyse the 'best for you' points.While sitting in my office desk in Muenster ,sipping coffee and contemplating ,i got so excited thinking about things i'll rush to do when i reach back here.I was so foolish not to realise that all these thoughts were a product of the clear conscience that the so-conducive aura had endowed upon me at that instant.A week later ,after my return , things were as intertwined as before or even more so.
I hate it when it becomes difficult for me to think clearly and act properly ,a process absolutely interrelated .A much needed break came with a weekend of holidays at home and i was back to my rational self.Those four days of brainstorming helped me to stamp the final verdict .
When i ponder over it now and retrospect,i feel a little shaky about the decision to go back to where i like being .I've got a lot of consoling to do back home but these flashes of vindication give me vigor to go ahead with the scheduled .

I so hope i'm doing the right thing !

May i have HIS blessing !

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sangram ...for injury !

Give blood..play hockey !
Thats what they say ...and i can tell u now that they mean every word,literally!
Since the day i first stepped in the (Now Damned) hockey field christened as Major Dhyan( rakho apna) Chand Stadium ,i've been feeding blood (and drums now...what the F**k!)
I pass an idiot ,he murmurs 'Hello'...i hear him but ignore cause i no he's just bullshitting.
Seeing me non-respondant ,other birdbrain yells.."Prateek,sunai diya  ye kya bola.."
Has lo beta ...every dog has its day.!
So i missed 'Sangram', all of it ....missed all the hooting stuff....missed all  "Sahi hai Prateek Sahi hai ".....missed all the Girls baski matches...missed meeting  Jaypee Noida girls again...missed lazily springing up in the morning...missed the chance of being there in the field with my teammates some of who have got their game churned out quite well all by their tireless efforts...gud going guys you certainly deserved more than the silver metal this tym...Bite it again !
Here i lay ,shattered by few losses,some major and much emotional(Loosing the finals again)and few more less intense but worrisome nevertheless(i miss my original drum)...
Here i lay  ...to see my membrane heal and myself recuperate....to contemplate how to redeem the lost glory to the team again and more so to myself .
But in doing so i no...There Will be Blood !
 And i mean it...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I need new shoes before we all die!

Thats actually the latter part of the tale!
The story starts wid the day.Mr.X knocks to check whether m awake for the exam .Well,I am.
I surprise myself sometimes.2 hrs into the solid mechanics papers,general knowledge rings.!!
why 20 sheets in an answer script....hell ....dont they worry about the environment?? See 10 pages n its over.But hearty neurons know that fool in the league is me n they r just 'brilliant'.
"No paper discussion ,plz Mr.Y".I exclaim n rush towards 'Alpahar'..heaven..samosas,chai fights n 'C' smoke......!
Then suddenly some news(really irrelevant here)hit my eardrums n i rush toward Dept.,in vain.CL's close .Idea is to get a nice shave but i end up having a hair cut eventually,not so suprising for those who no.Short hair ,so 'hearty neurons feel some air ,thank me .
Back in hostel,no lunch again...cricket !
2 matches n now stomuch is sucking the skin in.I give in ,take a bath...move towards CL again wid Mr.Z,the Protagonist.
Lunch...sweets(Jalebi??...mid day...hello...where r u from bloke??...macflono macflunilu??)
Mr.Z expresses his desire to get a new pair of shoes AGAIN...a fibre out of place n der he goes!!
Things discussed:Interns,money ,job prospects,financial crisis and A BEAUTIFUL MIND..
THEN...
Mr. Z say the world is gonna end on 21/12/2012.....
Back rotation ,magnetic changes,solar radiations,floods,deaths....
He adds that the mumbai incident is just an indication..
What ..???
Is that not a bull shit...??
Hearty neurons say...'May be!'
Will i be able to complete y graduation by then....Will i get a job by then is a better Question cause i need a new pair of shoes too...!!
I express and we move towards Sarojini :) !

Monday, December 1, 2008

Ohh..!

Happy Anniversary Mamma n Daddy!
Love u so much n miss u loads.........!

Leave it or live it !

Well,after so much delay i'm on it finally.Searched 1 2 many blogging locations but eventually landed on the same coordinates that my friend told me.Thought of doing some research before going for it but 'hearty neurons' tell me that its time to lick books for couple of days more so i salute n obey.!!
Although feelings n fragrances change everyday and some faces and situations give a sense of deja vu,i realize that things haven't changed too much as seconds pass by.But this feeling comes only in times of peace n solitude,which i've always believed as a phase of growth ,away from the pomp n show.This sense of slight sorrow suprisingly fades away when those friendly figures are around.
My lips stretch ,oxygen rushes in in plenty,activity predominates and that 'ME' is suppressed for a while.Whenever i feel pain n sorrow,these hearty neurons tell me "dont worry !
There's somebody who cares".So this 'TRY' go out for all u folks who make my hearty neurons 'hearty'.
Cheers and wishes!!
Prateek